in the spiritual presence of those we love, so that we learn to remember without pain, and to speak without choking up with tears. But all our lives we will be
subject
Elisabeth Watson
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Suggestions for Dealing with the Holiday Blues
It is important to recognize
it is not abnormal or even unusual to feel sad or depressed during the
holiday seasons, or around other special dates--anniversaries of births
or deaths or special occasions. Holidays and special dates can trigger
an episode of "the blues," feelings of loneliness, depression and melancholy,
especially if one is still in an active grieving process.
We have tried to compile a list
of suggestions.
It's okay to cry.
Work on creating new rituals and traditions. Respect the old ones, but
create new ones, perhaps even involving a new type of remembrance.
Especially if you are grieving, don't trying to be all things for all people.
Learn to set realistic limits on your energies.
Find
time, make time for yourself. If possible do something self-indulgent a
massage, a new hair cut or even just a bubble bath.
Call, visit, write or e-mail a long-lost friend, someone who is house-bound,
or an elderly relative.
Get plenty of sleep and exercise.
Try to minimize the amount of drinking and eating. During periods
of "the Blues" excessive drinking or drinking will contribute to the depression
and the associated guilt.
Spend time with people who care about you, who are nurturing and supportive.
Try and limit the amount of time spent with people that drive you crazy.
Enjoy free activities.
Donate your money or time to a local Homeless shelter, Battered Women and/or
Children's Shelter, Hospice, Cancer Association, Hospital, Church, SPCA
or Humane Society. Its a way of helping those who may have less.
Keep daily expectations manageable. Remember the adage of taking "one day
at time." Set realistic goals, decide what you can comfortable handle,
what you can do and cannot do. Let your family and friends know about your
limitations.
Realize that each holiday, birthday or anniversary is only one day. Take
them one occasion at a time.
Consider doing something in memory of departed loved ones.
Create rituals to remember the loved one. Create a "letting
go."
Get out in nature, walk, hike, enjoy feeling the winter chill, or the rush
of skiing.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with certain occasions, or anniversaries.
Decide what will work and then let people know. Try and keep things open
if you feel like joining at the last minute. Try not to spend time alone,
if it will make you more depressed, or suicidal. (I spent
many by myself, because it was less stressful than dealing with the family
hassles).
Remember the French Proverb:
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Blow bubbles (it makes you feel like a kid again)!
Go to a bookstore or library and try browsing in a section you wouldn't
normally go to. Open your mind to a different style of writing.
Go to or rent an uplifting movie. Some of the ones that always make me
feel better:
Buy a live tree or plant, create a ceremony and plant it afterwards, in
memory of someone as a link to Christmas' of the future.
Look for your local community activities--Fun Runs, Park and Recreation
Department, Community College.
See a play or find a concert, at your local high school or college to be
around people. Check your local paper for listings and ideas.
Attend a church service. This can be helpful for those who are dealing
with a loss, but providing an extra place for support. This may be beneficial
to people of all ages, including singles. Many of the churches are becoming
good places for singles activities.
Go to the library or bookstore and find a new book.
Attend
a poetry reading.
Start
a journal to record your thoughts, feelings and writings--to share or just
to get out of your system and on to paper.
Join a health club, YMCA or local Community Park and Recreation Department
for exercise classes.
Try and keep a cheerful disposition with sales clerks, people waiting in
lines, people in the produce section of the grocery store or your favorite
, people walking their pets in the park.
Simple, genuine statements can
often lead to conversations e.g. "How do you prepare...a particular food
item," "That color is really flattering. It brightens up my day!" "I need
to pick a present for my....(fill in the blank). What do you think of this?""
What type of detergent do you recommend?" "What a handsome dog!" .
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Do not forget to entertain
strangers,
for by so doing some have entertained angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13:2
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I
was at the post office this week, waiting in line with the rest of the
holiday mailers and struck up a conversation with a woman waiting to mail
packages to her grandsons. We got to talking and I mentioned just hearing
the news about my grandmother. She shared her experiences with her parents
how she too had lost her mother to Alzheimer's and then later her father
quickly to a stroke. I would like to think that by talking about her parents
we brought back some memories of Christmas's past. She also shared
her joy of Christmas future. Her daughter, whom she nearly lost to Ovarian
Cancer, was coming to spend Christmas with them.