Journey of Hearts

Often the initial response to dealing with losses or acute grief, may be denial, anger, barganing or depression, before acceptance is finally reached. Below are several healthy methods of coping and suggestions for safe ways of acting out feelings of anger.
Many of the ways that people respond to grief or loss, in particular anger, denial and depression, can be very difficult, not only for the person experiencing the loss, but also for their friends and family members. How someone responds to a loss, the phase that they may be in, can cause the siutation  to be even worse. For example, if an angry or depresssed person can be difficult to be around, so that friends and family may become more aloof or distant...pulling away when the person may need support the most.

Please see the page "How Can I Help?" a listing of suggestions for friends and family of the person experiencing the loss.

Since grief and loss are such individual and unique experiences, no two people will deal with the matter the same. By the same token, no two people will find the exact similar coping methods.  If you have other suggestions that have worked, please e-mail them to us at email@kirstiMD.com.

The following are suggested safe ways to act out feelings.

Healthy Ways of Coping

1. Write in a Journal. (I frequently recommend this to patients suffering from insomnia.) Writing down the feelings or emotions, gets them out, down on paper and is a way of being able to look at things more objectively.

2. Pound a pillow, your mattress with fists or a tennis racket. (Please stay away from walls, I've had to cast more fractured hands from wall punching).

3. Scream in a pillow, in the shower, in your car, or in the woods.

A variation of this is an American Indian ritual:

Go out into the woods or a place that is private. Dig a hole in the ground near a tree or bush. Pour all of your feelings into that hole. When you are finished, cover the hole. Thank the tree (or bush) for listening and witnessing your grief process. Thank Mother Earth for receiving your grief. Leave feeling better about yourself and more connected to the universe.

4. Have a temper tantrum on your bed, mattress or couch (carefully).

5. Go for a long walk or run. Notice how your body is feeling, your breathing, how your legs are moving. Enjoy being out in nature.

6.Twist a towel (or pull between a friend or a large dog)

7. Howl, wail, yell, scream. Laugh, cry, sing. Whatever noise or expression seems to express how you feel. In the words of Elton John, "Sad songs say so much."

8. Laugh uproariously, raucously and with abandon, at least once a day. Laughter is good for the soul.

9. Paint, draw, doodle, scribble, decoupage, create something.

10. Dance, skip, saunter, gallop, hop. Move in whatever way seems to work.

11. Stop suffering. Suffering is an avoidance mechanism, a way of not dealing with feelings and working through the emotions.

12. Do the necessary grief work, in whatever form seems to work best with you.

13. Join a support group, with meetings, or on-line.

14. Look for resources on grief, do not underestimate the helpfulness of books. Visit a local library or bookstore and see what books seem to help. There are grief books written on a variety of topics, from a variety of different perspectives depending on the type of loss.
15. Talk to someone--a friend, family member, counselor, or clergy member, even a pet or stuffed animal.