My Wish for You

Condolence & Sympathy
Elder Loss - My Wish for You

Journey of Hearts

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As they say, death comes in threes...
The third was a call that I had been expecting for many years, in some regards hoping for...hearing that my Grandmother had died.
We lost her five years ago to the affects of Alzheimer's...making it part of "The Longest Goodbye."
I don't know if you are ever really ready, despite the intellectualizing, and all of the preparation. My aunt and uncle did not want to have a service. We may do something at Christmas, a moment of silence, perhaps getting a plant, but it seemed that I needed to do something more.
My coping, as always, was turning to poetry. For the first time I managed to get down on paper, a lot of my feelings about death and having supervised many deaths as a physician.
So to Grandma, Mildred Dyer, my last remaining Grandparent...who died December 9, 1998.

My Wish for You

Life brought you many challenges

many struggles and many hardships.

The years left their marks as lines on your face

and gray-hues colored your hair.

The sun weathered your skin

adding freckles from age.

Your mind slipped into it’s own world

where few could reach you,

As time took it’s toll.

We lost you years before

to the disease that steals the mind

and leaves behind the body to slowly fade,

with the passage of time.

A disease known as "the longest goodbye."

The person we once knew,

the one I called "Grandmother,"

was lost in a haze

of mixed up neurons and faulty wiring.

It became impossible to learn anything new

leaving you unaware of the second just past

and unable to project a second into the future.

Life was now lived moment to moment, instant to instant,

happy lost in old memories

and brief recollections.

And ever so often and ever so briefly

a spark of recognition.

The person who once was

now hidden behind the confusion

emerging to make herself known.

As a physician trained to save and prolong life

with so many instances of having to do ‘everything’

obliging by the family’s wishes,

I often wondered:

"Who are we to presume we are more powerful,

more knowledgeable, more omnipotent

than the forces of nature."

To hear frail bones crack

under the pressure of the CODE

And watch as the signs of life ebb away

while the team valiantly endeavors

in a futile attempt to turn back the hands of time.

I see this struggle to stop the inevitable death

over and over again

and it is not one that I would wish

for my patients, my family or my loved ones.

My wish for you

in this season of goodwill towards men

and for every day since we "lost" you

Is for a peaceful death,

a good death

a death of days gone by.

For you to slip away

without fanfare

without sirens

without shouting

without pain

and without CODES

And find a rest without waking.

This year we both got our wish for Christmas.
You left us with serenity and dignity

quietly and peacefully in your sleep,

The way you had asked to go.

Last updated December 11, 1998 The background image is from Tilden Park captured during a foggy day in the late spring and © 1998 Kirsti A. Dyer. All material, unless otherwise specified, is copyrighted 1997-8 by Journey of Hearts A Healing Place in CyberSpace. We invite you to share the information on this site with others who may benefit, but ask that you share from the heart only and not for profit. To contact the Domain Designer email to email@kirstimd.com To return to home page