~ Condolence &
Deepest Sympathy ~
springs from sources deeper far than deepest suffering.
The Condolence & Deepest Sympathy Section
was designed to help those who may be feeling the immediate shock or numbness
having just experienced a loss, crisis or life-changing event and support
those who have embarked on their personal journey of grief.
Along with A Healing Place
this section includes calming images for the times when grieving visitors
may be too distraught to read, but may still benefit from just sitting
and experiencing the colors and images on the site. This section also includes
soothing messages, words of condolence, hope and inspiration and some ways
of remembering, all Grief AIDEs
provided to help with the initial painful and numbing phase, to nullify
the shock and assist in the slow process of healing.
Pain—has an Element
It cannot recollect
When it began—or if there
A time when it was not—
Perhaps a scene that illustrates this painful,
mind-numbing state is from "Sleepless in Seattle." Tom Hanks' character
describes the days following the death of his wife, reliving those feelings
as he is interviewed on the phone. He states " I had to remind myself to
breathe." Equally descriptive are the words of Pink Floyd. In this stage
of the grief process, as part of the body's natural protective response
to loss, a person may become "comfortably numb." I can remember times when in
the early stages of grief, listening to this music and these lyrics and going
|There is no pain you
A distant ship, smoke
on the horizon.
You are only coming through
Your lips move but I
can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child I had
My hands felt just like
Now I've got that feeling
I can't explain you would
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably
The Ache that Never Leaves
This section also provides resources and support
for those who continue to experience long-term grief, the ache that never
leaves. This kind of loss is one in which—
..the pain never
truly goes away, it just gets smaller and condensed, tucked away in a corner
somewhere in the deep recesses of the heart. There it remains at a constant
low level ache, which with time may be overridden. There may be times when
a site, a smell, a place, a song, an anniversary or birthday will trigger
the old memories and the intensity of the grief and loss will return again.
These feelings often arrive without warning and can be just as painful
making one feel as though he/she was experiencing the loss anew.
Kirsti A. Dyer,
Journey of Grief
The Journey of Grief following a loss, a crisis
or a significant life change is a very personal and often a very private
one. Each person experiences his or her own unique journey. In the Journey
through Grief, the bereaved person must learn how to deal with the loss,
crisis or significant change. This requires learning how to cope with what
may be a vast array of intense, painful and at times conflicting emotions.
The grieving person must learn how to weather the storms that come their
way, without losing courage or hope, realizing that in time they will overcome
||You will embark on a
and at times there will
be fair weather, but not always.
You will meet storms
and overcome them.
You will take it in turns
to steer your boat through fair weather and foul. Never lose courage.
Save harbour awaits you...in
Daphne Du Maurer
Grieving people must also recognize that they
may never "get over" their grief. Some losses never entirely fade e.g.
loss of child, loss of spouse, diagnosis with a terminal illness. Instead
what happens over time is that they learn how to integrate the loss or
change into their lives and keep living. The grieving process usually ends
when the person realizes that they will survive, decides not to let the
loss control his/her life, and begins to focus their energy on living.
The season of mourning,
like spring, summer,
fall and winter,
will also pass.
go on for years and years.
It doesn't end after
a year, that's a false fantasy.
It usually ends when
people realize that they can live again,
that they can concentrate
their energies on their lives as a whole,
and not on their hurt,
and guilt and pain.
See the Emergency
911 Page for links to immediate resources
if you are feeling helpless,
hopeless, overwhelmingly depressed, or suicidal.
| A Healing Place
| Loss & Grief
| Emergency Pick-Me-Ups
| Condolence & Sympathy
| Transitional Medicine
| Butterflies & Blazes
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