There are many myths regarding grief. The focus on grief is often on the adults, however, children, even infants, can be affected by a death or a loss. The Hospice Foundation of America and the TLC Group have summarized several of the various myths surrounding children and grief. Myths regarding adults and grief can be found in the General Information section under Myths about Grief.

1. Children do not grieve.

Children of all ages grieve. The child’s development and experiences affects the grieving process.

Young people experience a variety of losses.  These include losses of pets, separations caused by divorce or relocations, losses of friends and relationships, as well as losses due to illness or death. All of these losses generate grief.

It’s impossible to protect children from loss.  Adults can teach ways of adapting to loss by including young people in the grieving process.

Allow young people to make their own choice. They should decide how they wish to participate in funerals or other services. Adults must provide information, options and support.

No one gets over significant loss. Children, like adults, will learn to live with the loss. They may revisit that loss at different points in their lives and experience grief again.

Children are resilient. By providing solid support and strong consistent care, adults can help children cope with loss.

Different approaches are helpful to young people. It’s important to talk openly with children and adolescents; it’s also helpful to let young people use creative approaches. Play, art, dance, music, and ritual are all valuable modes of expression that allow them to say what words cannot.

Other individuals and organizations can share this responsibility. Hospices, schools, and faith communities can all offer necessary support.

Myth 1. Children Don't Grieve

Children grieve all losses in spurts, several times a day.
They re-grieve throughout all developmental stages.
Children don't know they're grieving or understand their feelings.

Children experiences losses on a daily basis:
At School: Sports, grades, competitions, self esteem, relationships.
At Home: Control, understanding, dysfunctional family losses.
One of seven loses a parent to death before age 10.

A child will go through six developmental stages between birth and age 21.
Each stage is marked by a period of continuous change in cognition, feelings, and physical development.
Almost every area of life through each developmental stage is totally controlled by circumstances outside of the influence of the child.

Sources:
Hospice Foundation of America. Eight Myths About Children and Loss. Available at: http://www.hospicefoundation.org/8myths.htm.
TLC Group. Three Myths of Children's Grief. Circa ? 1970's. Various Internet sources. (Unfortunately we have not been able to track down the original source.)